Wednesday, June 02, 2010

On Fatherhood



No babies, thank you.

My wife and I had decided not to have any kids.  So it was a not so pleasant surprise to us when we found out during our holidays in Provence that she was pregnant.  How could I handle a baby?  I was among those men who would actually step back on seeing a crawling toddler, or leave a restaurant immediately if there was a baby-like creature in it.  Our apartment was a no-baby zone and my friends had to drop off their carry-on babies and have them checked in somewhere before they came in.  I did, once, foolishly agreed to allow a toddler girl in our place for some six hours, and, consequently, I had a fever in the six days that followed.  Seriously, I did not like kids. They scared me.

My wife was not fond of babies either, but she did not hate them.  My serious allergy to babies nevertheless, we accepted the surprise and got prepared for changes, and things changed indeed...

A man (masculine includes feminine) is a dot on a piece of paper, or a plane.  As the man grows older, he becomes a circle.  With time, knowledge, experience and maybe some wisdom throwing in, the circle gets bigger and bigger, and bigger.  One day it may evolve into a giant circle.  Glaring and admirable as it may be, it remains a circle, spinning around its centre, its own self, on a plane.

Things get interesting when the circle meets another circle.  Both will have to give up part of themselves.  They are no longer separate circles - no more spinning around one's own self.  The intersection brings along sparks, dynamics, provocations, good times, not so good times...  Life is simply more interesting and fulfilling.

Still, the two circles are circles on a 2-D surface.

When a child is born, it's all different.  One cannot live only with the rules of the 2-D world.  It's a 3-D world.  One does not choose the sex, personality, degree of intelligence, etc. of the child as one chooses the other circle.  You take what finds you, come what may.  There is nothing but rethinking and relearning and rethinking, struggling and letting go, accepting and compromising.  Life is 10x(square) more rich and full.  Never has the silly circle realised that watching another circle grow can be so satisfying.  Never has it viewed things from so different an angle.  And never has it experienced the unspeakable joy of looking into itself and watching its own centre, the very same centre it used to cling onto, diminishes.

I just love the world more with the coming of my girl.

Although I do sometimes get overwhelmed by the privilege of being your father, my dear girl, I promise that I'll keep my sanity, remain aloof and won't let what I aspire to be or long for becomes your burden.  So profoundly enriched my life you already have, there is nothing, absolutely nothing that I can ask of you.  This is your life, your world.
 


6 comments:

Joel said...

Yes, being a dad is so different from being a husband. The kid changes your world, constantly. The experience is irreplaceable. Glad that you open your mind to welcome the new identity, enjoy it!

cheeky angel said...

Awww, a lovely, warms the cockles dedication & story. You sound like a great dad!

Anonymous said...

Lovely thoughts. Though parenting can be challenging it is also rewarding.

Anonymous said...

congratulations!

Wait 'til you have 3 of them...:-)

孜媽 said...

Hi,

My friend is going to be a father. I like this post very much and recommended to him. As he is not good at English so I have to translate it for him. After translation, I had a feeling that I also want to share it with you, thus I put it here.

Enjoy reading your blog very much!

/Sharon
不,不要孩子。謝謝。

太太和我早已決定不要小朋友。說真的,在普羅旺斯的假期,發現她有了,對我倆,並不是一個甚麼愉快的驚喜。我點知點湊仔?我其實是那種,如果看見一個蹣跚學步的BB會後退幾步,或者在一間餐廳看見一個BB物體會馬上轉身掉頭走人的人。我們的公寓是「無BB區」,任何朋友,如若拜訪,唔該先將BB放在別的地方托管。沒錯,我蠢過一次,天真地允許一個仍在學行的BB在我們公寓逗留6小時。Well,結果,你猜?接下來的6天我持續高燒!真的,我不喜歡孩子,怕咗佢哋。

我太太也不是那種看見BB就雙眼發光之人,不過,她不憎惡BB倒是真。儘管我患嚴重BB過敏症,怎麼說,我們還是接受了這份「驚喜」,預備之後的變化。噢,真的,真的事情就開始有了變化。。。

一枝公(男人,枝公你明㗎喇),無論陽剛或陰柔,一開始不過是一張紙或一個平面上的一個點。當這枝公長大變老,他就變成一個圓圈。圓圈裡,有時光的痕跡,學到的知識,獲取的經驗,如果悟性好,還有些智慧。這個圓圈隨歲月流逝越長越大,有天演變成一個巨大的圓圈,無論看上去如何耀眼或令人羡慕,他其實還是在一個平面上圍繞自身旋轉的圓。

當一個圓遇見另一個圓,那成件事會變得有趣。這兩個圓都必須放棄自己原有的一部份,所謂取捨。他(她)們不再是獨立的圓 ﹣不能只活在自己的世界,像原來一樣自顧自轉。二個圓的互動帶來火花、戲劇性、挑釁,美好的時光,糟透了的日子。。。生活還是很簡單,不過,更有趣和更充實。

But,這仍然只是2D介面的兩個圓。

當一個孩子降臨,世界全變了!不能再按2D世界規則生活,因為,現在是3D世界,三維空間。孩子不像你當初尋覓選擇另一個圓回來。孩子的性別、性格、智力等等通通是不由得你選擇!老天給甚麼樣的孩子,你就得接受甚麼樣的孩子。除了重新思考、重新學習、重新思考、反覆掙扎、放手(由佢喇)、接受和承擔,你甚麼也做不了。生命變得10多倍幾何性的豐富和圓滿。這個傻乎乎的圓,慢慢減少只圍著自己轉,看著另一個圓成長是如此的滿足。從未有這種感覺;從未由這個角度看事物;從未有過這種難言的喜悅。

噢,老天!必須說,自從她,我的寶貝女兒來到這世界,我愛這世界更甚。

雖然,榮幸身為你父親,有時侯我確實覺得不堪重負,但是,寶貝,我還是想說,想承諾:我會保持理智,保持清醒,保持超然,不讓自己對你的期望成為你的負擔。

你已經如此豐富了我的生活,令我無比自豪。我還可以再向你要求甚麼呢,真的絕對沒有。寶貝,這是你的生活,你的世界。











W said...

Good to know that my blog is still read despite my loooonnnng absence. And, thank you for the translation.

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